Worried to death

God i am so worried about the HKCEE result.Though i need to work today.....yup the stupid work----sorting the delivery order .

This is such a damn job that can kill you. I bet you are wondering why.

Firstly, sitting in the office that no one talks can kill you because it's bored to death.

Secondly,sitting in a office with air conditioner can kill you as the temperature is kept constant at 23 degree C . I really wonder if it's really 23 degree C as it's cold to death.

(P.S. I have already put on a long selves jacket)

Thirdly, sitting in the office doing the same thing for 7 hrs can kill you. Well, i don't think i need to explain this.

Fourthly, as I am doing a job that not required me to use my brain much. I have plenty of time to think. Yes, plenty of time to think! Today I spent my morning thinking about the CE. I have no idea what would happened. I am really worried. I feel my stomach cramp. I can't sit well and I feel like myself shivering all over my body. I can't picture my future if i am not going to F.6 or the university. I feel so shameful if I disappointed my parents. I can't talk to them about that because they will just blame me for not being hard working. That's can only make me more depressed. Of course I did work hard but in their eyes " This is not enough". ...........orz

I think I will still think about the CE in the afternoon as I can't keep it away form my mine.There is only 1-2 week to go.

I think i am a good student. I try my best all the time. I do revision when I need to have testes.I can't sleep if I leave something I need to do undone. I really don't know what's wrong with me. My life is such a mess since secondary school. I get a little far behind since F.4. That's really bad as F.4 is a very important year. There is no explanation and i can't find myself any.

Why is life full of frustration? I keep asking myself since the first time I learnt about that.
I am always treated as an adult at home. It's like that though when I was only 12 or 13. My parents are harsh. My childhood seems not exists as it's more like an adulthood. Strange? Yup pretty strange. Everyone outside thinks i am mature. But they never no how weak I am inside. They think I am cool, strong and independent. But they never no I just want to be a little girl to be taken care of. Sometimes I really want to find someone to rely on. Although God is so good, it's also important to have someone near to respond quick indeed.

Well i am moody enough . Don't want to write more.

WOW GOD YOU ARE SO LOVELY INDEED

I just read the Queen's blog

LET ME QUOTE IT
"幸福，是一種樂觀與知足的心態。珍惜生活中美好的人事物，在任何挫折時都相信這只是成功之前的考驗，失戀了跌倒了擦乾眼淚相信自己絕對值得更好的，樂觀的面對生活，擁有正面的能量，這樣的女人，不管有沒有愛情，都會覺得自己很幸福。幸福，不是有沒有愛情、有沒有人愛，而是能夠發自內心的愛自己。幸福不一定要跟別人要，自己也能讓自己幸福的女人，才會真的快樂。對於幸福的定義，每個人都有不同的見解。對我來說，能展現最真實的自我個性，不造作不掩飾，是一種幸福；勇於追求冒險，嘗試各種新鮮事物，是一種幸福；愛自己、懂自己，總是不經意散發出迷人特質，這也是一種幸福。只要妳愛上真實的自己，勇敢追求自己的理想，也別忘了經常寵愛自己一番，擁有幸福其實很簡單。"

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen/13124450

Feeling much better now : ) .

Queen is a good writer. I am sure you can learn something form her too.

Pls feel free to visit her blog
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/illyqueen